A Chicago Yankee in Queen Elizabeth's Court

So anyway, as I was saying about Canada…

Canada is the 2^nd largest country in the world, and is also one of the more sparsely populated. At 30 million (roughly the population of the ten or fifteen largest cities in the US), there’s lots of room to spread out. Admittedly, much of it is uninhabitable unless you are born with seal skin, but even so, the cities I’ve visited have been obvious cosmopolitan centers (centres!), but in a way much different from their U.S. counterparts.

However, it’s not all sunshine in the Land Up North. In fact, per my last post (below), in some instances, it’s barely sunshine, or at least rarely. Anyway, I’ve put together List 2: Other Things To Know About Vancouver, for when our friends and loved ones cross the border and visit us in the Land of Rain.

The Traffic

1. Vancouver doesn’t have the gridlock that chokes Chicago, but it’s still the 3^rd largest city in Canada, and so there’s traffic everywhere. Cars are smaller, and there are more cars than vans or SUVs, but they have the right of way in all situations. This includes people. Stay on the sidewalks until the little white man says it’s ok to cross. I mean this. Unless you are already more than halfway across the road when the ‘don’t walk’ sign comes on, stay put. Pedestrians are optional here. If you’re stuck in the middle of a boulevard, deal with it. It’s better to get wet than to get flattened.

2. Don’t ever assume that it’s safe to cross the street, even on a red light. Vancouver, like Toronto and Ottawa is a walking city, meaning it’s easier to get around on foot or via bicycle than it is in a car. This is obvious, and it puts a crankiness in Canadian drivers that appears when they turn the ignition and vanishes as soon as they exit the car.Always look both ways, a couple of times, before leaving the curb.

Once in the street, keep your head moving in a constant left-right-left-right motion until you’re back on the sidewalk. Be prepared to stop or sprint as needed. Don’t expect to get any love from the public transportation, either. Buses lurch through the streets like dragons on Red Bull. Stay clear. These are awesome, low-key folks, but man, nobody likes being on the roads. It is always best just to let them pass.

3. NEVER JAYWALK! I have yet to see a local do it, and the few bicyclist who have attempted it have gashes in their gear to show how unwise this idea is. There is plenty of time to get to your destination. Find an intersection and wait your turn.

4. The rule above has one exception-the pedestrian crosswalk. Move with confidence in these spaces. They’re traffic oases, and cars will stop for you, no matter their speed as they approach. Don’t dawdle and don’t stray from the white lines, but otherwise, go ahead and cross without a light in these spaces. They’re rare, but they exist, and they are respected.

Food & Drink

1. Learn to love sushi. You’ll starve to death otherwise. We love sushi, and had planned to eat every beyond-the-condo meal at a different sushi restaurant. We did that, and I’m glad. But I admit that if we hadn’t been raw fish maniacs, it would have been much tougher to stay on our WW program. The Vancouver magazine noted that sushi restaurants are as plentiful as sea urchins in a kelp bed. This is accurate, and also something of an inside joke to uni eaters. Learn the joke. Get used to real wasabi. Grow to love sticky rice.
   

2. Get comfy with eating in restaurants you’ve never heard of. Chains don’t exist in Vancouver the way they do in the U.S. I saw 1 Burger King, 3 McDonalds, and a Denny’s, though I think that was shut down. Most eateries are café style, boutique type foods, and while that’s interesting, they’re still about the ‘shovel food in ‘em and get ‘em out so we can turn the tables’ variety. Thai, Russian, Vietnamese (lots of Pho here), French, and tapas are available, but everything is golden brown and swimming in le fries Francais. Maybe there’s a reason that Vancouver walks everywhere-it’s required in order to stay thin. And, speaking of thin…

3. Prepare to feel fat. Vancouverites of all varieties (indigenous, citizens, foreign nationals and students taking up the good stools at the coffee shops) are skinny. Not terrifyingly so, but thin enough that overweight people stand out. Canada is like the U.S. was in the 1970s, before obesity hit epidemic proportions. Everyone was more or less normal body weight, everyone was more or less active, and it was pretty tough to find accommodations for the obese.

Canadians don’t appear to discriminate, but there are so few heavy people that there isn't room for them, as it were. I would have felt like a whale in that city if I had gone before I started losing weight. Heck, I would have felt that way anytime before about 10 pounds ago. The whole country is taut, thin, and euro-looking. I adore them for it, but I recognize also that it’s only because I kind of look like that now. It would have been another thought entirely if I'd needed a plus-sized anything.

4. Become a hunter/gatherer of hot items. This is surprisingly difficult, considering how cold rain is (again, see post below). I was constantly looking for something steaming. Even the green tea at the sushi places, normally too hot to hold the cup, was alarmingly tepid. And by the way, leave your coat on when you go into any place. These people are so outdoorsy that they leave doors and windows open regardless of weather. I nearly froze to death in Yale Town, because despite the 45 degree temperature and the torrential downpour, the waitress kept propping the door open. Even when the customers would close it (or attempt to close it a little) as they left, she would skip right over, haul the thing wide open and kick the stopper in place. The restaurant was not hot (it wasn’t even warm, as evidenced by the shivering clientele), everything was wet from the rain, and the last time I checked, most sushi is served cold. Yet, there she was, and the few of us who remained mostly shrugged it off as a local custom we didn’t understand, held our chopsticks in quaking fingers and finished up as quickly as we could. If we’re going to freeze, we might as well be moving. That way, we have a better chance of raising our core body temperature and keeping warm(ish).

Architecture

1. Not only is Vancouver the City of Glass, it is also the City of Balconies. Every high rise holds its own set of “get outside” patios that pepper the buildings like shingles. Maybe it’s that the weather is balcony-friendly so infrequently that residents can't risk waiting to ride the elevator down to the lobby before they're out in it. The sunshine might not last that long. So, no matter the size, style or fitting of the building, they all have balconies. Even the Westin Hotel had balconies. I find that fascinating, considering that the windows would not open. So, it’s unsafe to let some fresh air in, but perfectly all right to lop yourself whole-body into the atmosphere. Sure. Ya-hey, right?

2. All hail the scaffolding, awnings and general protrusions on the sidewalks. All storefronts have some form of umbrella-like structure in front of their display windows. Makes sense. If I risk a soaking by stopping to view the snow boot collection, I’m moving on. BUT if I get a little boost for my umbrella, I might just take a moment, browse the selection and step inside, letting my ‘brolly’ rest in the stand for a minute.

And speaking of that, Vancouver appears to be exempt from window steaming. It seems to defy physics that it’s so wet and rainy outdoors and so dry inside, and yet I never saw a single fogged up window. It must be akin to the roads in St. Louis, MO, that have some substance that keeps them from melting in the heat (but, by the way, makes them wildly slippery to drive on in the rain). I never felt at risk of losing my footing, despite the rain and the hilly terrain. So, the sidewalks are ski-proof and the windows are fog-free. Oh wait; maybe it’s because they keep the doors open.

Final musings

Pee before you leave the country. If you heed only one piece of advice, make it this one. Public restrooms (called washrooms) are completely absent. Even in places where you’d think they’d be required, such as a food court, they don’t exist. Signs are everywhere, ‘no public washroom, sorry’. Even in the places they did exist, you had to buy a coffee, AND a pastry, leave your laptop and all your cash behind the counter, count to 10 in French and then backward in Mandarin, and pledge that you would not tell anyone in the U.S. that you were permitted to use the can. Maybe it’s a green-country, save the water thing, or maybe it’s just not done the way we do it here. But oh my, both Howard and I nearly succumbed to racing behind a dumpster more than once. It is painfully difficult to find somewhere to relieve yourself of recycled coffee. Emphasis on the painful part. Take a port-o-let with you, build up a steel bladder, or risk dehydration. There really is no other way.

Other than that, the place was perfect. I’m still wearing my Canadian-flag embroidered Vancouver Fleece everywhere, forsaking the beautiful leather jackets Howard bought me earlier in the year. I shunned sushi until today, worried that after having local fish for a whole week, eating the ‘imported’ variety would disappoint me so badly that I could only do sashimi out of the country. And, I’m working to get DS to a Walgreen’s, so that he can get his own passport, and then, come spring, when the winter is over and the rain has gone, we can travel through customs as a threesome.

A the E(xpatriate Hopeful)